I Have Four Children

Since Emma's passing - I cannot yet bring myself yet to say Emma's death - I find myself wondering if it's okay to say I have four children.  When filling out a form or writing a profile, I have caught myself wavering.  Do I have only three now?  Does Emma's life not count anymore, now that she's gone?
I mentioned this to a coworker this week, and she said, of course, you still have four children.  It's just that one of them is in a different place.  I like that.
Today is indeed the last day of her last year on earth, as DeeDee pointed out on her Facebook status.   I hadn't thought about it, but it goes lend a deeper finality to Emma's lifespan.  1988-2011.  Not anywhere near long enough for her family and friends to know her, but apparently long enough in God's plan.
Emma, I miss your calls on your cigarette breaks.  That's usually when you would call, when you had stepped outside for a smoke.  I miss your "rubbing feet."  I miss your tight hugs that swamped me.  I miss your voice, singing the songs that were special to you. 
What I don't miss is worrying over you......wondering where you were, whom you were with, what you were doing.  I definitely don't miss those times.  I don't miss the time you left for Tennessee and I lay down and wept furiously for the loss of my little girl.  I don't miss the times when you were so "up" that you fairly vibrated, and set your surroundings on fire with nervous energy.
Your artwork peeps out here and there around the house.  There are little pictures of you at all stages. But the absolute favorite of mine is the little flower girl.  You are standing in front of the house on Stagecoach road, wearing spring playcothes and a jaunty hat, clutching a bouquet of wildflowers. Your smile at the camera is so perfectly happy, as if you would invite the whole world into yours if you could.  "See?"  the flowergirl says, "See how beautiful the world is?  Look at my flowers and love me!"  And I do, Emma-girl, I do.....and I'm crying.

New Year Approaches

New Year's Day is only a couple of days away, and I am wondering where this year went.  I suppose that's a common feeling for many people.  So many significant life changes have happened this year.  My retirement in May, my hospitalizations in June and then again in August, Emma's passing, my new job at the newspaper......my head spins just thinking about all of that.
My New Year's resolution will probably be the most common one out there......to lose weight.  Exactly how I will do that, I don't know.  I should probably start walking.  Eating more protein and less carbs would help.  Not munching after 8:00 at night would definitely peel off some pounds!
One huge life change I forgot to mention is Bob's pottery shop.  He has something important to do, something that gives him pleasure, and he gets to see people when they come to the shop to buy something or place an order.  Bobby's involvement in the shop is a great thing.  He finds it all fascinating, not only the throwing of the pots but the glazing and firing.  Last evening, he helped his daddy make candle houses.  After they were thrown, he used an augur tool and made the decorative holes in the pots.

I am enjoying my job at the paper.  Right now, things are relatively slow-moving, but next week I need to begin the planning of the Lauderdale County Spelling Bee in all earnestness.  I have the auditorium reserved, and now I need to get folks to be judges and helpers. 
In addition to planning the Bee, I need to solicit some more sponsors/partners for NIE.  This rough economy is making fundraising a real chore, but there are some generous souls out there who believe in our mission and want to support enhanced education.
I would love to plan a workshop on using the paper in classrooms......maybe after the Bee.
I hope everyone has a great New Year's Day, and a safe one. 
Forgot to mention, Martha has found a job at Penney's in Starkville.  That will help them out a great deal.  School will be starting soon for them.  Both John and Martha did well, and DeeDee had all A's in her graduate library science classes.

Signing off for now.........

Rainy Days

A local mobile home company has been promising that folks who bought a home in December would get it free if it rained on Christmas Day.  There were stipulations......it had to be at least 2 inches measured at a local airport's gauge.  (either Key Field or NAS Meridian, not sure which)  I looked up the rain stats for Key Field, and it rained over 2 inches there yesterday between 6 am and 6 pm.  I wish I could find out whether or not those folks got their mobile homes free!
Emily loves her grandpa's pottery shop.....the music, the clay, the pots turning on the wheel. It will be cool when she's old enough to do a bit of claybuilding.  She had her bare feet pressed into clay......I hope it turns out clear.
Tonight the Saints play the Falcons again.  I am wishing for a playoff between Brees and Greenbay's Rogers.  That would be a game of the decade!
I finished Hunger Games and have started Catching Fire.  The movie trailer convinced me to read the trilogy!  If you haven't yet dipped into Collins's books, I suggest you do so at the earliest possible  moment!  They are YA novels, but Collins's skill at characterization will draw you in quickly.

Christmas Eve Eve

Twas the night before Christmas Eve, and all through the house, last-minute shopping and kiln-firing was going on.....!  Tomorrow morning, the kiln will open and, hopefully, be full of wonderful new pots to replace all the pieces we've sold over the past month.  It will be fun doing this with the kids present......like opening one huge present all together.
I'll be baking a spiral-sliced ham, which has become an important holiday tradition around the Baldwin home.  Martha said she's baking pumpkin bread, and there will be baked sweet taters.  Collard greens and salad will round out the meal.  Really, a rather simple one this year.
Emma will be in our thoughts and hearts.  Emily will cheer us up with her antics! At some point, I imagine football will be watched.  I plan to toast the occasion with my Pennsylvania Dutch Brandied Apple Cider.

Winter Solstice Ramblings

Actually, the Winter Solstice was, officially, yesterday, but I didn't notice it until late last evening.  It certainly looks like winter outside.......dark, misty, a bit dreary.......but it feels more like fall still.  I've seen some folks running around in shorts and sandals while others are sporting down jackets.  Crazy, typical Southern winter.
I watch the weather reports of troublesome snow in the Southwest and Northeast, and I know many people are experiencing hardship because of the wet fluffy white stuff.  I have to confess, though, I'd give a lot for a good flurry.
Last year, it snowed all around us.....literally!  I mean, everyone in all four directions got a decent taste of snow that stuck, up to a foot in some places.  My daughters taunted me constantly with Facebook pictures of their beautiful snowfalls.  But all Quitman got was ice.  Lots of ice. 
The ice was beautiful in its own way, hanging in long brittle icicles from every surface imaginable.  But there's no comparison between ice and snow.  Nothing compares to the peace of a gentle snowfall, the quiet of its falling, the stark color contrast of soft snow on dark green pine needles.  Maybe this year?  Maybe, just an inch or so?  It would be so lovely......

The Hobbit trailer

All of us suffering from chronic LOTR withdrawal can now watch the Hobbit trailer and feel a wee soupcon of relief! Check it out on Youtube....... it looks fantastic, doesn't it?   I had no idea dwarves could be so......winsome!
Just hearing Gandalf's and Gollum's voices gave me shivers.  I hate that we have to wait till next December to see the first installment.  Looked pretty viewer-ready on the trailer, if you ask me.  I suppose they haven't finished production on the second installment, and want to issue the films within a year on one another at the latest.
It totally boggles my mind that "Fellowship of the Ring" came out in Dec. of 2001, only three months after 9/11. Hurricane Katrina had not yet hit us.  Bob had not yet been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Emma and Martha were in junior high.
And now, here are are, awaiting Peter Jackson's next addition to the Tolkien saga films.  I guess I will need to reread The Hobbit sometime between now and next holiday season.

Sing We Now of Christmas

I've heard so much about Michael Buble, but when I finally got to hear him on SNL, I have to say I was sorely disappointed.  It looked to me as if he had not rehearsed, or felt extremely nervous for some reason.  He kept fumbling with the standup mike in the most peculiar manner.
Hubby heard him from the next room and said it sounded like the "Rat Pack" had returned.  Buble does sing in a retro style reminiscent of Tony Bennett, Sinatra, Martin, etc.  I guess I just didn't care for it myself, but I know he's hugely popular.
I wonder if there will be any Christmas music on the X Factor tonight?  I would love to hear Josh Krajcik sing an old-fashioned carol in that throaty voice of his.
If I could afford it, I'd buy Christmas music by Josh Groban.  I've always sort of known he was a great vocalist, but I've been checking him out on Youtube and I'm a solid fan.                            
I fondly remember the "good old days," when hubby and I went to the New Orleans Sumphony's performance of "The Messiah" each year.  There are no words adequate to describe the feel of the Orpheum Theater, packed with music afficianados and fur-clad social butterflies, listening to the chorus trilling through "For unto us a child is born."  We were fortunate to hear the contata sung by an excellent choral group.  There is no better way to cap off a holiday season.

Holiday Movies?

Have you seen the TV trailers for all of the scary-horror-type films coming out on or about Christmas Day?  What is Hollywood thinking?  Could it be that millions of people want to sit in darkened theaters with their eyes scrinched shut and screams clogging their throats?  I can't believe it!
There are several films I want to see:  Warhorse, the latest Sherlock Holmes, and The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, to name a few.  I'll probably wait to see them in the spring, after I've re - signed with HBO for the new Game of Thrones season.

Bon jour mes amis!

I decided today to add my ramblings to those of the millions of bloggers already sharing in the multiverse.  My main goal is to share what I've been reading and, maybe, some of what I've been writing lately.  I invite you to join me as I read my way through my to-read shelf......which is groaning for relief as I type.
My latest reading project is to read my way through Diana Gabaldon's series about Claire and Jamie Fraser for the second time.  I figure this is great prep work in anticipation of her new addition to the series, which should be hitting bookstores in the near future.
If you're a Gabaldon fan, you should check out The Scottish Prisoner, an interim novel about Lord John Grey, one of my favorite side characters in the series.  I call him a "side" character, but I think he has grown in importance and could be called a main character at this point.
I don't recall any series in which the main male character was loved by a man as well as by a woman.  John's abiding passion for Jamie fascinates me.  Gabaldon handles John's sexuality with a rare delicacy and frankness about his self-awareness.