I am reading a hauntingly, beautiful book called The Snow Child by Eowyn Ivey. It's based on Russian folktales about a childless couple who build a little girl of snow who then comes to life. There are many versions of the story, none of which end happily. I am hoping against hope that Eowyn Ivey finds a way to bring hope at the end.
So far, a homesteading couple who've lost a child before heading out West have built a snow-girl. Suddenly, the snowgirl is melted and they spy a little girl wearing the articles of clothing they had put on the snowgirl running around the woods near their home, with a red fox always in the distance. I don't want to say any more, because I want to encourage the reading of the book and don't want to give any spoilers. I am half-way through, and I tell you, this book will affect you in imaginable ways.
This afternoon, while reading, I began to reflect on Emma, and I began asking myself, what were Emma's dreams for her life? What did Emma envision for herself five, ten, and more years into the future? And I becam very melancholy.
I interrupted Bob loading his kiln and said, "Let's go walking." And we went to the lovely blue-paved walking trail near the reservoir in back of a local school. I thought to myself, "If I don't start walking, I'll die."
To my delight, my Canadian geese were in full flotilla, gliding near the bank where I was walking. My children have always laughed at how much I look forward to my little ducks and geese which migrate to Archusa Reservoir every year. Their appearance - and disappearance - mark the seasons of my life.
I thought of how badly I wished Emma were walking with me, and I thought of the woman in the book who had just made a beautiful embroidered coat for the snow-girl she knew would return. But Emma will not be returning, no matter what season of the year it is.
Emma's dreams are lost with her. Oh, I know what her immediate dream was......to be the perfect wife and housekeeper for Randall, at least the very best she could be. But in her deepest imaginings, what was her life's ambition? That elusive dream she seemed to be chasing in all the wrong places, at least until she met Randall?
The llittle snow-girl in Eowyn Ivey's book is a quiet, fey creature who presents the couple with hares in her blood-stained hands, hares she has brought as a gift. What gifts were you trying to bring us in your world-stained hands, my Emma-girl? WHat would I say to to you if you suddenly appeared furtively dashing in and out and between the trees in our backyard?
I have to walk. I have to do something, or I know I will die before I should. I can feel it......my breathlessness, my heartrate sometimes racing, my tired body groaning just to climb a couple of flights of stairs. Emma, I'll be thinking of you when I walk, when I watch my dear flock of geese finally go back North for the summer.
This is beautiful and you made me cry. Sensitive people like you always seem to respond to pain with creativity. You've been in my prayers and continue to be.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Gena.....I am glad someone is sharing my words with me.
ReplyDeleteThis was so beautiful. My prayers for you are peace and glimpses of your Emma in the wind and in the tress. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteI have started to talk to Emma...someone at work told me to try that when I felt lonesome for her. I will learn to listen for her in the wind and trees, as you suggested. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteThis is really beautiful! Emma touched so many lives! She is missed by so many! I enjoyed her personality and how she made people around her laugh and smile!
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