Who Knows Where the Time Goes

I am a little tired of people asking me if I am “enjoying my retirement.”  I know they mean well.  I would love to answer, simply, “Yes, of course!”  But frankly, retirement feels pretty much like working.

I know we should have planned for how we were going to live out our retirement.  We thought we had more time to think about things, to pull everything together into a neat, workable package.  But it didn’t work out that way for us.  Health issues got in our way, and we both retired sooner than we had planned.  Believe me when I tell you, when that happens, retirement bites you….. back (I decided not to use the familiar idiom, as my language has been pretty “clean” all my life, but you can read between the lines.)

Every time I see one of those ubiquitous commercials about “diversifying your portfolio,”  I could scream.  Most people in our immediate experience don’t  have “portfolios.”  They are doing well if their paychecks stretch from month to month.  I know there are folks out there who have done a better job of managing resources.  They have been careful about what some would call “frivolous” spending.  They have managed to put aside a nest egg.

But I am afraid, in our family, the enjoyment of life’s simple pleasures has eaten away at our resources.  Going to movies, listening to music, and reading books and magazines all cost money.  Eating out, not necessarily at expensive establishments, has further chipped away at our money.  Food at home has been of a good quality……lots of fruit and veggies and whole grains coupled with lean meats and seafood  takes a financial toll.  But hey, I’m Cajun and Bob just appreciates good food.  No bologna and white bread for us.  Call us weak, and we have to admit, yes, we have been a bit self-indulgent in some ways.

But we never, ever took our family on a “vacation.”  We never made the pilgrimage to Disney World.  We watched other families go…..to the mountains, to the beach, overseas…..and felt a bit of awe that they could afford it all.  Our children apparently grew up none the worse for missing out on such excursions.  They traveled to Disney World with the school band, or took a trip to the Huntsville Space Center with the gifted group.  Our two eldest lived with us in Elkhart, Indiana for two weeks in two summers, and got to visit places like Shipshewana and Goshen.  That counts, I guess, as a kind of “vacation.”  We were taking seminary classes, so it didn’t really feel that recreational on our end.

Bob retired because of long-term side effects of a Whipple procedure.  When they removed his pancreas and parts of other things and requilted his digestive system, there were physical results that don’t show up until years later.  Since no one expects patients like Bob to still be around years later, no one really knows what to do with these side effects. So, he quit teaching several years before he intended.

Without blaming any specific people, I have to say that the stress of teaching in an environment dominated by testing paranoia finally took its toll on my body and mind.  I, too, retired several years earlier than planned.  Only a few weeks after retiring, I landed in the hospital with a serious bout of ischemic cholitis.  I was very, very ill, and finally had the explanation for the constant sickness that made me miss so much school that final semester. 

My part-time work at The Meridian Star is mostly enjoyable……mostly, I say, because it is still, after all, work.  It helps to pay for our health insurance, which takes more than half of my retirement check each month.  It is a great blessing, but I don’t really consider myself “retired” yet.  God has been gracious in placing me in a work environment where I feel appreciated and valued, and where my skill set is useful.  I came into this job knowing zilch about it, really, and my colleagues have helped me all along the way to get the job done.  We’ve even had some fun doing it.

I’m not sure where all this rambling is headed.  I keep feeling proddings to write about life, about growing old, about what is lost and what is gained from living.  I am not sure what to do with these proddings, but I thought I’d let my fingers follow my thoughts and see where they led today……